This is the ultimate guide to getting in the head of a girl. This is written from a girl, so obviously I speak for all girls because we’re all the same and want the same things. If you have any questions about what a girl really wants, you’re in the right place.
Someone to Correct her Mistakes
Girls are only human right? We’re not perfect, so please tell us – all the time. We just love being told when we’re wrong. Did you remind us to turn our computer on and off again when it’s not working right? No? Please do.
To Look Just Like Everyone Else
Girls are supposed to be tall, thin, and wear moderate clothing. So of course that’s what we want to look like. We all want to have the same hair style, wear the same clothing, and buy similar make up. You saw your coworker wearing cute earrings? Buy them for us. We all love looking alike. As Mean Girls states, “On Wednesdays, we wear pink.”
Don’t even get us started on tattoos, piercings, and crazy hair colors. That’s just outrageous. Stick to the status quo!
Cooking and Cleaning, You know, Homemaker Stuff
I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say a girl’s dream is to have a perfectly clean house. Why do you think we want such big houses? We want more to clean! Please throw you coat and bag on the sofa. Leave your dishes on the table. That’s our job of course! Do you think we have anything better to do? Nope. You hungry? Here’s a sandwich!
Let Us Know When We’re Being ‘Catty’
Attitudes are synonymous with being a woman. Our brains just function differently. Did Sarah wear the same sweater as Becky? Oh. My. Gosh. The audacity. So we’re going to talk about it. But sometimes, we become too ‘catty’ and show too much attitude. Make sure to stop us in our tracks. We don’t want to be rude.
A Strong Man
Remember how we like to do housework? Well sometimes we need help carrying that mop bucket of water, or moving the couch so we can sweep under it. Every woman wants a big, strong man to help her. Are we capable of strength or endurance? Nah, bro. That’s where you come in. Every girl strives to have her household include a man with muscles. A household with just women? We would never dare.
Men to Speak for Us
If there’s a meeting at work, and the table should most definitely be lead by a man. Men are better at communicating than women and are better speakers. Their voices are louder and they stand taller. Those are the two most important factors in a positive leader, right? Also, when it comes to decisions about women’s issues, we definitely need a different perspective since we’re stuck in our womenly mindset. So men should make these choices for us.
What house should we buy? Ask a man. What shoes should we wear? Ask a man. Should we have access to birth control? Ask a man. Can I have an abortion? Ask a man.
Jobs are important to make money and buy a house. But, out of all the jobs we can have, we want passive jobs. Jobs that enable us to keep our hands soft and our voices quiet. We don’t want to do labor intensive work or have to yell very loud. I mean, have you ever met a good female construction worker? Or a female CEO? Too much grunt work, no thank you.
Stay At Home
This world is such a big place, it can be overwhelming. What kind of girl wants to live out of a backpack and trek the Appalachian Mountains? That’s so dirty. What kind of girl wants to climb the Eiffel Tower and chat with people in French? That’s difficult speaking a foreign language. What girl wants to ride canoes on the Mekong Delta in Vietnam? There are mosquitoes! Obviously, home is where the heart is and we just want to stay there forever.
Play with Dolls
Dolls, barbies, houses, easy bake ovens – that’s all girls want to play with. They help feed our natural desires and fulfillment. Please give young girls all the pink and purple toys you can find to help develop us into the women we want to be. Girls do NOT like to play with superheros. Girls do NOT like to play sports. Girls do NOT like cars. Don’t make us say it again.
To Be a Mommy
A woman’s body was made by God to be able to create human life. This is an incredible gift we do not take lightly. Our goal is to make a beautiful home, find a strong man, and then to have a family. We all want children, it’s our God-given right. All of us want to utilize this ability and make a family. And the family must have a mommy, a daddy, and a baby (or three!). Don’t question this desire, it’s our nature.
With all of this said, please do your part to help women. We need it! Let us achieve our house cleaning, husband finding, baby making goals.
If the satire wasn’t clear in this post to you, please re-think your attitude to this world. This was an piece dramatized to prove a point and to shine a little light on how ridiculous stereotypes are now in 2019. This is my first time writing something like this, so let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comments. Check out our blog for some ideas for your next trip!